An Unlikely Hero
by Carmen Delta
Summary: A humourous take on Motoki's over-the-counter therapy sessions.


**An Unlikely Hero**

* * *

Mamoru pointed to the tall, empty glass for emphasis. "I mean, you've already had one," he told his girlfriend in exasperation. "Wouldn't another be a little, well, _piggish_?"

"Mamoru!" Usagi hissed. "I can't believe you just called me a pig!?"

"I didn't call you a pig; I said having another one would be piggish."

Usagi scrambled out of the booth seat in a huff. "Well I want another milkshake! And if you think I shouldn't, then maybe you should just leave! Then you won't have to watch your girlfriend get FAT!"

She stormed up to the counter and slammed a flat palm down. "I'd like another milkshake please, Motoki!" she said loudly, knowing Mamoru would be able to hear. The blonde man behind the counter looked up in surprise, but quickly set to work after one look at his patron's face.

Mamoru rolled his eyes and got out of the booth as well, sliding his money under the glass for his friend to pick up later. Without a word, he left the arcade, off to find a way to vent his frustration.

"Here you go, Usa," Motoki brandished a tall glass, gleaming with condensation and frothing with bubbles. Usagi smiled at it, if not slightly strained. "So you and Mamoru had another fight?"

Usagi sighed heavily and plonked herself down on a stool. "It's like he doesn't even know me!" she cried dramatically, throwing her hands in the air. "He keeps making fights over little things! Things I've always done or have always liked! This is how I always was!"

She angrily grabbed a packet of sugar and dumped the lot into her glass, before deciding to combine another. Motoki watched on in concern – Usagi was seriously troubled if she was adding extra sugar.

"Anything you want to talk about?" Motoki leaned on folded elbows over the shining countertop. Usagi shook her head determinedly with tight lips, stirring her straw with sharp movements. Motoki sighed and turned his head to the TV on the wall. The local news reader was narrating over footage of the latest youma attack – and more importantly, the obvious tension between Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Kamen.

"And it looks like our favourite superhero couple aren't doing so well in the communications department," the woman commented, smirking slightly. Motoki narrowed his eyes in annoyance and searched for the remote, ready to flip the channel. Just as he'd located the small black object, the entire front window was smashed open, shattering glass everywhere. The blonde automatically ducked, covering his head with his arms and waiting until the screams died down before peeking over the counter.

A large, disgusting, drooling youma crouched in the middle of the room, its beady black eyes roving its surroundings. Motoki gulped. It looked like some giant, freak-of-nature bug! Its shiny black shell glinted in the bright arcade lights as it twisted in his direction, extending to its full height.

The arcade patron felt fear well up deep in his chest as he met its eyes, but thankfully before it could take a step closer, the familiar voice of a saviour called out.

"Hey you! Ugly! Yeah, I'm talking to you! How dare you disturb the peace and quiet of this fine establishment?! I will not forgive you! And in the name of the Moon, I will punish you!"

"Stop making speeches and do something," another voice interrupted. Motoki's head snapped to his right. Tuxedo Kamen was striding through the automatic doors, his clipped tone and stiff walk radiating disapproval.

"I always make speeches!" Sailor Moon spun to him, placing her hands on her hips. "How are we supposed to fight the Negaverse if they don't even know we exist?"

"Trust me," Tuxedo Kamen disagreed. "They know about you."

"And what's that supposed to mean!?"

Motoki edged along the counter, eyes darting between the monster, who was still standing in the middle of the room in confusion, Sailor Moon, who looked fairly angry, and Tuxedo Kamen, who was folding his arms and gritting his teeth.

"I've told you this before! You just give the youma time to escape or trash the place if you keep yabbering on. Make your entrance stealthily and you don't even have to open your mouth!"

Somewhere in the back of his mind, it occurred to Motoki that he should check on the rest of his customers, but he had more pressing matters to occupy himself with.

"You know, you used to make speeches too, so it's not just me!" Sailor Moon stomped her foot. "Yours were so corny, I could have thrown up! And all you had to do was throw a damn rose!"

"I wouldn't even have to show up if you just got the fight over and done with," the tuxedoed superhero snapped. "When you take your time, you only end up putting yourself – and others! – in danger."

"Oooooh!" Sailor Moon's face was beginning to change colour, heating up quickly.

The youma snarled loudly, and startled the couple, who'd momentarily forgotten it was there at all. Sailor Moon spun back to face it, rather guiltily and pulled her Moon wand out of her subspace pocket.

Motoki heard Tuxedo Kamen sigh impatiently before vaulting over the counter and running past him, which went completely unnoticed by the youma, as it was busy with Sailor Moon.

"Um, excuse me?" he asked weakly, wondering how safe he was in his current position. No one heard him.

"Moon healing activation!"

Motoki slammed his eyes shut as a bright white light engulfed the arcade. It was quickly followed by a low curse.

"Where did it go!?"

Sailor Moon spun around in circles, trying to locate the monster. Tuxedo Kamen lowered his cape from his face and did the same.

"There!" Motoki cried, thrusting a finger over the countertop and pointing at the hidden creature. It clung to the wall, just like a bug would.

"Don't tell me this is one of those cockroach things where it can survive anything," Tuxedo Kamen commented wryly. Sailor Moon gritted her teeth and held her wand out again.

"Get it with a rose," she ordered. "Trap it or something. That thing is fast!"

"What did you think I was going to do?"

"Well you've stood around uselessly ever since you got here!" she snapped back. Tuxedo Kamen let out a roar of fury and hailed several roses at the wall with deadly accuracy.

"Moon healing activation!"

The beam of power struck the youma on its back and it morphed back into a human, collapsing on the ground. But nobody cheered. Nobody paid the man any attention.

"Why do you always have to do that?" Sailor Moon screeched, turning on her boyfriend. "I'm in the middle of a fight, if you can't tell! Why do you have to go and distract me like that? It throws me off my game!"

"Please," Tuxedo Kamen snapped. "Before I came along, you were stumbling around in your little heels, waiting for your Senshi to help you out. You need to learn how to act on your own!"

"Well, you know what!? If you think they're so great, and that they can take care of themselves so well, why don't you go out with one of THEM!? I know you've probably got something for Mars, am I right? With her _brilliant _skills, and your attitude, you'd make the perfect couple!"

Tuxedo Kamen looked taken aback momentarily, before stepping forward and throwing his hands in the air. "Maybe I should! Lord knows she's a better Senshi than you are!"

Sailor Moon tried to keep her anger in check, barely remembering that they were in public – but she was too emotional to care. "Maybe we should just forget it! Forget about us! Maybe – Maybe it's time for us to finish. Permanently."

Motoki watched on in horror as the couple continued to fight. When his jaw dropped, banging onto the counter, he remembered his voice.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait!" he cried, gripping the bench and bringing himself to his feet, revealing himself to the pair. "You two can't be serious?!"

Sailor Moon turned to him in surprise and he saw the tears in her eyes. She quickly wiped them away with her gloves.

"You two, you two are the perfect couple," Motoki admonished, brandishing his hands. "The superhero lovers who inspire people all over the city – no, the world! People look up to you! _Couples_ look up to you!"

Tuxedo Kamen glanced at Sailor Moon, who missed the look.

"So why are you fighting? You face demons from another world every day, and yet a simple lover's spat can turn into a full on war? What's going on!?"

Sailor Moon pointed an accusatory finger at Tuxedo Kamen. "He doesn't believe in me anymore! All he can do is CRITICISE!"

"Rubbish!" the man barked. "She's getting too careless! She doesn't take superhero business seriously anymore!"

Sailor Moon let out a scream and threw her Moon wand at the floor, where it disappeared into her subspace pocket before it could hit the ground. Motoki shrank back slightly.

"Why don't you two have a seat?" he asked, gesturing to the stools before him. "And see if Dr Motoki can try and fix things?"

The pair traded sour glances, as if saying 'I will if you will.... First.'

Tuxedo Kamen shrugged and strode past Sailor Moon, accidentally bumping into her shoulder. Her blue eyes widened in annoyance and she quickly took the seat beside him, flicking her hair over her shoulder and 'accidentally' whacking him in the face with it in return.

Motoki saw this and shook his head sadly, thinking of two of his friends who sometimes acted very much like this.

"Would either of you like, uh, anything?" he stammered awkwardly, scratching the back of his head. Tuxedo Kamen shook his head silently, but Sailor Moon's eyes landed on Usagi's milkshake and pounced.

"So the way I see it," he continued, reaching over the counter and pulling a chair to his side of the barrier, "you have two options. One," he ticked a finger. "You could let these petty fights continue, and eventually break up – a great loss to all of Tokyo. Or," he tilted his head, ticking off another finger. "You could resolve these arguments now, and rediscover your feelings for each other, thus resparking your relationship. It'd be a shame for you two to lose what you have – everyone can tell it's special."

Tuxedo Kamen 'harrumphed' and Sailor Moon snorted into her milkshake.

"No, it's true!" Motoki said. "You guys are even more famous for your love than....France! And you know how the French are renowned for their love of romance. Well you two are higher than that. You're like....love gods!"

He sweat dropped at the corny and suggestive title, but waited for one of them to speak. Neither did. "Okay," he sighed. "Why don't we have a little heart to heart, here? Sailor Moon," he turned to the blonde, who regarded him with suspicious eyes. "Why don't you tell Mr Kamen here what you're feeling? What emotion, or _emotions_ are you feeling right at this moment?"

"Well, I'm angry, aren't I?" she exploded, banging a hand on the countertop. "I'm angry, and upset, and frustrated, and sad, and hurt, and -"

"Those are all the same things," the man beside her contradicted sarcastically. "How about some different words?"

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT I'M FEELING!"

"Now, Tuxedo Kamen, you'll have your share time in a minute. Let's just let Sailor Moon talk for now." Motoki turned back to the fuming blonde. "And why do you feel these emotions, do you think, Sailor Moon? Do they all stem from your boyfriend?"

"Yes!" she cried, hands flying in the air. "He treats me like a child! He always bosses me around, or contradicts me, or tells me to act a certain way. But that's not who I am! I won't change just because _someone_ _else wants me to._" She directed her glare to the caped hero. He growled in frustration.

"Uh, Mr Tuxedo Kamen? What about you? How are you feeling right now?"

"Like a complete idiot! She does nothing but ignore my advice, she goes gallivanting off into trouble and then expects me to save her, she doesn't do her homework, she doesn't think twice about putting a bit of healthy food in that mouth of hers every once in a awhile, she acts so immature sometimes that I'm often on the brink of plain embarrassment... Shall I go on?"

"SO NOW I'M AN EMBARRASSMENT? ARE YOU HEARING THIS, BLONDIE?"

"Well, it's true! Put yourself in my shoes, Airhead! How do you think it looks for me when my girlfriend pigs out on ice cream all day, cries when she doesn't get what she want, and trips over every five seconds – bringing down at least two others with her!"

A tiny voice in Motoki's head began whispering suspicions, but he brushed it off. He brought his hands together and considered his next course or action. "Miss Moon, do you believe your behaviour is one of the causes of your relationship troubles? Maybe some tension stems from your actions, even when you don't realise it sometimes? No," he interrupted as she looked ready to explode in indignity. "I don't mean to insult you. But I mean really think about it. And Mr Kamen, are you able to see how your condescending attitude might be affecting the woman you love? How a simple correction or comment might cause instant friction or conflict? I'll leave you two to think about that for a second, and I mean _really_ think about it, whilst I grab something from the kitchen."

Motoki quickly ducked into the pantry and headed for the freezer. He pulled out the ice cream and began making a large banana split. He had a very strong suspicion that with this couple, it would be a hit. Once he had re-emerged from the kitchen, with his dish in hands, he grabbed two spoons and served it to the silent couple. Both sets of eyes were immediately glued to it. "This," Motoki announced. "Is your prize. If you can both just talk to the other in complete honesty, letting them know exactly how you feel, and what you could do to change that, then this is all yours to share. It's called the Motoki Dreamboat, and it's on the house... Providing you can earn it. Now who wants to start?"

Neither moved, or made a sound, and seconds ticked by. "Tick, tock, tick, tock," Motoki chanted. "The longer you wait, the faster this melts."

Sailor Moon cleared her throat uncomfortably. "Tuxedo Kamen, I love you. You know I love you. But I have always been the way I am. And I thought you loved me, just like that. I guess I can be a little childish sometimes, and I'm probably the least grown up of our friends, but I know that you saw something in me once that you liked. Otherwise we'd never be together. You know I'll grow out of this, and change. But that's not now, not in the immediate future. So I want to know if you can still love me for me, exactly the way I am." Her blue eyes held his, unwavering, waiting for him to speak.

"Sweetie, I've always loved you, exactly the way you are. And yes, I will admit that we've both gotten completely out of hand lately, with our bashings and viewpoints. I understand where you're coming from, but can you see where I'm coming with mine? I feel like you just don't listen to me these days, like you've grown tired of my advice. I'm only trying to help you – you know that, right?"

"Of course I do!" Sailor Moon said. "And I would appreciate it – no, I _do_ appreciate it. But when you do nothing_but_ offer your 'advice', and give it in that tone of yours, it just sets me off."

Tuxedo Kamen grinned. "You're a teenager, your brain is supposed to work like that."

Motoki watched happily as the smiles began to reappear.

"Yeah, well, don't go using that to your advantage," Sailor Moon teased. "Riling me up will only get you in trouble. I've got Mars on my back as it is." She laughed, and then stopped, sneaking a peek at Motoki, who was utterly entrapped in the conversation. "Uh, honey? I really like this, us talking and all, but maybe we should finish this somewhere else? Somewhere more," she lowered her voice and gave him a meaningful look, "private?"

Tuxedo Kamen got the message and got off his stool. He offered a gentlemanly hand to his girlfriend. "To the park?"

She smiled and took his hand, jumping lightly to her feet. "To the park." She turned and grinned to Motoki, who was feeling cheated. Hey, where was his happy ending kiss? It wasn't easy being a Superhero Couple's Therapist!

"See you around, Motoki," she said, flashing him with her pearly whites. "Thanks for saving the day."

"No problem," Motoki managed to utter as the pair walked over the debris left from the fight and out the doors. He had a feeling his two favourite customers would be walking in tomorrow, back hand in hand. "Hey, wait! You forgot your Motoki Dreamboat!"

* * *

_Don't forget to review!_

_Much love,_

_xoxo Carmen_


End file.
